i wonder about us 

is us worth the fuss

will memories become dust 

can i be our nurse

can we break this curse 

will he be coming around the mountain

driving a hearse

why don’t we stand in the sun

baby be my one 

why you gotta pull a gun

would hate for us to be done

i show up at your shores

asking are you sure 

crack the door

this 

this is the more 

how emotionally mature are they?
from chpt 2

realistic & reliable.

when things go wrong, they…
a) find a way. make it work.
b) get frustrated. but adapt.
c) stress. overthink. spiral.
d) shut down. blame others. disappear.

when plans change…
a) they roll with it. life happens.
b) they’re a little annoyed. but move on.
c) they guilt-trip. make you feel bad.
d) they take it personally. shut you out.

when they’re upset…
a) they talk about it. ask for what they need.
b) they need a minute. but they come back.
c) they sulk. make you guess what’s wrong.
d) they explode. make it everyone’s problem.

their energy is…
a) steady. you know what to expect.
b) mostly stable. some ups and downs.
c) unpredictable. mood swings.
d) draining. exhausting.

respectful & reciprocal.

when you open up, they…
a) listen. make space for you.
b) give advice. maybe too quickly.
c) change the subject.
d) make it about them.

when they’re wrong…
a) they own it. no problem.
b) they get defensive. but come around.
c) they justify. twist things.
d) they never admit it. ever.

how do they handle conflict?
a) direct. calm. willing to work through it.
b) a little uncomfortable. but they try.
c) passive-aggressive. cold.
d) avoidant. or explosive. no in-between.

when you need them…
a) they show up. every time.
b) mostly. but only if it’s convenient.
c) they say they will. then don’t.
d) they disappear.

responsive.

do they laugh easily?
a) all the time. even at themselves.
b) sometimes. depends on the mood.
c) rarely.
d) never.

do they make you feel safe?
a) yes. being around them feels good.
b) mostly. but they have their moments.
c) not really.
d) no.

do they change when they need to?
a) yes. they reflect. grow. evolve.
b) sometimes. but only if pushed.
c) they say they will. but don’t.
d) no. they stay the same. always.

mostly a’s:
emotionally solid. reliable. easy to be around. handles life well. someone you can count on.

mostly b’s:
mostly mature. but some rough edges. can be rigid. can be reactive. but they try.

mostly c’s:
a little stuck. caught in old patterns. defensive. unaware. avoids tough conversations. makes life harder than it needs to be.

mostly d’s:
hard to be around. heavy energy. unpredictable. exhausting. they take. rarely give. walking on eggshells is normal.

final thought:
who did you think of?
why?

Music is how I remember.

burning CDs. time capsules.

memories tied to beats. feelings wrapped in lyrics.

Came Too Far – Fridayy, Maverick City Music

Do you mind I pray for you?

Okay, let me pray for you

Gran bondye, bondye lavi a

Men gason’m mwen pote ba ou, Franson

Mwen konnen zye’w deja sou li

que yeux sur lui-même en dépit de tout

Mon Dieu, que la protection divine

You cannot cease us

Grand Bon Dieu, toute force qui parvient de Dieu, toute puissance qui parvient de Dieu

Do you mind if I pray for you?

Okay, let me pray for you.

Great God, God of life,

Here is my son, I bring him to you, Franson.

I know your eyes are already on him.

May his eyes be on himself despite everything.

My God, may divine protection be upon us.

You cannot stop us.

Great Good God, all strength comes from God, all power comes from God.

Barcelona – Chris Patrick

As an entrepreneur, you 24/7.
I don’t got the time to use sick days 
Ain’t seen the sun in bout 6 days 
Ain’t had no fun since my grandmama died 
Only time I have fun’s when a hits made 
Only time I’m in love when a check clear 
Only time I pick up is for big plays 
Finna get paid 

Put the DND on the phones 
Need the whips that I want to own 
Want my dream house in Barcelona 
Give my all till my heart is gone 
Can’t be pussy up on the road 
Im the rookie that want the throne 
I’m trying to get rich 
Tired of living like this

choosing the path 
That gon bring me salvation 
Cut off people, held down by relations 
Staying here 
ain’t no way im escaping 
Gave up years 
Just to change where im placed at 

So damn close that a nigga could taste it
Surgical with the verse like a face lift 
Vertical elevation takes patience 
With the time I got left I can’t waste it 

I know what it’s like to starve 
I know what it’s like to wanna be there folks 
But you can’t because times is hard 
can’t save everyone round me 
I know cause I tried before 
Prioritize mine for sure 
I gotta be locked for sure 

Underground Kings – Drake

Bridge over troubled water

ice in my muddy water.

Sometimes I need that romance
Sometimes I need that pole dance
Sometimes I need that nigga
That’s gon’ tell me that he don’t dance
Tell me lies, make it sound good
Do me like the men from my town would

Holy Ghost – Omah Lay

Mila in Miami

Anchor Point – Ahmed Spins & Stevo Atambire

Mila again. grounded. intimate. joy.

The Panties – Mos Def

sac wedding.

real love

Yes Indeed (Gypsy Woman Mix) – Freddo

beat beat

Remember You My Ex – Musiq Soulchild & Hit-Boy

chi show. big city love. missing u bay.

Step Wit It – Deante’ Hitchcock

¡bay area!Xatlanta. recon.

The Good Kind – Larry June

Uncle Larry! the ocean. home. magic.

“I’m on bag mode, ‘Rori with the fast mode”

Sábali – Amadou & Mariam

in one my favorite books.

DJ Nochi. supper club

#1: First, Manage Thyself
Before managing others, you must first manage your own productivity, discipline, and focus. The performance of those around you often reflects your own. As an executive, your standards, time management, and self-leadership will directly impact the team’s ability to deliver. Prioritize improving yourself to lift the overall capability of the organization.

#2: Do What You’re Made For
Instead of striving to fix every weakness, focus on your natural strengths. Identify the skills where you truly excel, then refine them to the highest level. Maximize your impact by channeling energy toward areas where you can be uniquely effective. Address weaknesses only when they hinder the full realization of your strengths.

#3: Work How You Work Best (and Let Others Do the Same)
Understand and respect your most productive working style, and ensure that you operate within it consistently. Whether it’s early mornings or deep work in isolation, structure your day to support your personal peak performance. Similarly, empower others by allowing them to work in the way that brings out their best results.

#4: Count Your Time, and Make It Count
Your time is the most valuable asset you manage. Track it, measure it, and use it deliberately. Consolidate time into blocks for deep, uninterrupted focus, and maintain discipline in guarding against distractions. Whether leading meetings or strategizing, ensure that every moment drives progress towards your most critical goals.

#5: Prepare Better Meetings
Meetings should be efficient, purposeful, and outcomes-driven. Always have a clear agenda, know the objective, and invest more time preparing than the meeting itself takes. Without proper structure, meetings waste valuable time. A well-prepared meeting fosters decision-making, clarity, and actionable next steps, while cutting down unnecessary discussions.

#6: Don’t Make a Hundred Decisions When One Will Do
Avoid getting caught in decision fatigue. Instead of reacting to every small decision, focus on identifying the broader patterns that drive the most important outcomes. Find solutions that address multiple situations at once, and create decision frameworks that can be applied consistently, streamlining your leadership efforts.

#7: Find Your One Big Distinctive Impact
Leadership isn’t about doing everything—it’s about making one or two truly significant contributions. Identify where you can make the greatest, lasting impact, and focus your resources there. This could be a strategic decision or an initiative that fundamentally changes the course of the organization.

#8: Stop What You Would Not Start
A key aspect of prioritization is knowing when to stop. If you wouldn’t start a project or continue an initiative today, then consider whether it’s still worth pursuing. Free up time, energy, and resources by eliminating or delegating tasks that no longer align with your core objectives or growth strategy.

#9: Run Lean
Complex organizations can become burdened with internal inefficiencies. Simplify your structure by focusing on key roles filled by highly capable individuals. Give them meaningful responsibilities and autonomy to execute. A lean, high-performing team achieves far more than a large team where talent is diluted and energy is wasted on internal friction.

#10: Be Useful
Beyond success and survival, the most important question is: How are you being useful? Maximize your contribution by focusing on what adds real value—to the organization, to people, and to the world. Keep your work grounded in practical, tangible outcomes that make a difference, regardless of the scale of the role.

The Basic Principles of “The Artist’s Way”
by Julia Cameron

1. Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy: pure creative energy.

2. There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life — including ourselves.

3. When we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator’s creativity within us and our lives.

4. We are, ourselves, creations. And we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.

5. Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.

6. The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.

7. When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open ourselves to God: good orderly direction.

8. As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.

9. It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.

10. Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

JESSICA DORE

Image description: A hand is holding a tarot card, Two of Swords by Pamela Colman Smith from the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot. Behind the card is green grass and the edge of a wooden fence. In the card, a person dressed in gray with a blindfold on and yellow shoes is seated on a concrete block holding two large swords, crossed over their chest. There is water behind them, and a crescent moon.

I’ve been asked twice in the last several weeks how I work with and think about synchronicity. The truth is I really don’t.

The prefix ‘synch’ suggests sameness in a way that feels at odds with my interest in difference. Difference as in philosopher Kelly Oliver’s notion of love: 

“Love is…an ethics of otherness that thrives on the adventure of otherness [and] requires a commitment to the…nurturing of difference.” 

I’m less interested in the accordance of rhythms, and more in what happens when two beats are playing at the same time and clashing.

So I haven’t been working much with the idea of synchronicity. But I have been working with the idea of intensity, which feels related.

Intensity is the name we give for the tension that happens when contradictory forces confront one another, and no one dominates or submits.

Intensity yields potential. It’s a quality from which something miraculous can happen. Something never before seen. Something that could not have happened if one force took over and the other gave way. 

(I’m drawing from—and oversimplifying—the work of philosopher Brian Massumi.)

Potential is an interesting thing, too. It has roots in words that mean “to stretch.” When I feel stretched in some way, I often say “it’s intense.” 

I think these ideas can be useful when thinking about the intensity of big feelings. 

Big feelings are often born from the confrontation of forces.

A need to be seen clashes with an unresponsive environment.

A force of degradation descends upon something indisputably precious.

These encounters often generate intense feelings. 

I’ve been considering collaboration a lot lately too, and have found these ideas about intensity and potential useful. Collaboration is also a meeting of forces and—to the degree no one is dominating or submitting—can also be quite intense. 

Collaboration involves doing work together, across and with difference. 

Ideally space is made for all involved so that collaboration is like love; an adventure in otherness. Collaboration might even be a synonym for love, if we view love as an action.  

This week in I pulled Two of Swords.

In the Thoth deck, Two of Swords is called Peace, which might seem a quintessential “other” of intensity. 

In fact the card depicts the confrontation of forces—two swords crossing—and an intensity that occurs there.

The artist Freida Harris marked that point of intensity with a blue rose. An oddity. Something never before seen.  

For Brian Massumi, potential exists in a realm where “what are normally opposites coexist, coalesce, and connect.” Intensity and potential are related. 

At the point of tension where we bump up against difference there’s potential to stretch in new ways.

To bloom into something, other than what we have been.

Especially if we’re able to make room for the differences we encounter. Without anyone needing to dominate, or submit. I know I’m saying the same words over and over. It feels necessary.

I have an enduring desire to do deep work with others. I’ve been thinking a ton about intensity and potential, and about how these ideas relate to a relational value of collaboration.

One interpretation of Two of Swords that I read online said the card has to do with a view of the world as divided into binaries, or neat pairs of opposites.

This is visually represented by two swords in the shape of a cross signaling a choice between this way or that, but not both. 

As I look at the card I start to wonder:

Am I thinking about collaboration in too binary a way?

I do tend to see certain ways of working as “truly” collaborative, and others as not.

Collaborative behavior might include factoring others’ wants and needs into decision-making processes, or being responsive to things that are shared.

Un-collaborative behavior would be things like unilateral decision-making, not taking responsibility for one’s actions, passivity or inaction. 

I dissolve the collaborative/un-collaborative binary and begin to wonder if these varying modes of showing up are just different ways of working.

I start to notice that each way brings something unique. A contribution. 

Inaction can be generative, for instance, or preservative. Like if you’re fermenting something.

Inaction can also be a space-making method; an invitation for those who aren’t used to taking up space to step into an opening. Or a way to let stirred up things settle.

I think there’s value in considering that people “show up” and collaborate in all kinds of ways. What if the person who can’t self-reflect and blames everyone for their problems is collaborating just as much as the one who seriously considers how their behavior affects others?

The first person’s contribution will likely clash with others’ needs for safety or accountability, but it contributes to the equation, nonetheless. The clash creates tension, and there’s potential there. If those involved can resist the urge to dominate or submit, there’s potential to move in ways they’re not used to.

I wonder if viewing the many ways humans show up in relationship as “collaborative” is a way to get past the familiar lamentation of others’ refusal to do whatever it is that we want them to do. What if we’re all collaborating in one way or another? We’re, co-laboring; working alongside one another. To live in the best way we know how.

Here are some questions I have:

What ways of collaborating do I want to stretch and grow into? What different styles of working in others might be supportive of (or hindering to) that growth?

What sorts of encounters—with oppositional forces or differences—might stimulate me to stretch in the directions I value, or to become other than what I have been?

I often struggle with difference which is why I think about it so much.

But I really want to honor all these weird ways of collaborating because we are all so different and that makes life exciting.

Plus I really do think love is the nurturing of difference. 

To reckon with, accept and respond to the differences we encounter is often intense. It brings up a lot. It requires stretching. It might hurt or feel scary. It can be exciting.

You’re reading the Offering for July 30, 2023. This Offering is for paying subscribers only but if you feel moved to share it you have my blessing to do so, and my thanks.  

See you next time. <3

JESSICA DORE

won’t you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in babylon
both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.

LUCILLE CLIFTON

Each card carries layers of meaning rooted in imagery.

Your perspective unlocks their message.

1. First Position: Daily Theme/Subject
2. Second Position: What Lies Beneath
3. Third Position: Advice

start your reading

First Position: Daily Theme/Subject

  Shuffle

pussy wet when we look at ourselves
short hair, square jaw, sharp eyes
high cheekbones, plump lips
boyish hints
smoke backwoods now
i’m leaving town
running away, staying in the bay
stacking bands, wasting life away
king of pents
didn’t ask for your two cents
burn it down, burn it down
still feeling like a clown

you opened us up
taught robots to love
it rhymes with smashmortion
felt like extortion
kiss me on my forehead
suck on my neck
before we do something we regret
we fuck to our playlist, inside my head
in front of the window, on the bed
teaching me to love my body
pick me, pick me,
take me to the party
chasing beauty, running from ugly
mind trapped in the patriarchy

Excerpts from Letting Go of Innocence by Prentis Hemphill, July 5, 2019

“…so many of us want innocence separate from accountability. We want an independent party to deem us innocent so we don’t have to look further, feel more, or understand ourselves..we do everything we can to avoid guilt – we stretch truths, obscure intentions, omit information, build alliances to prevent ourselves from being seen as culpable”

“We harm each other for reasons that have nothing at all to do with each other. We destroy parts of each other on a memory we can’t shake, or a feeling we can’t tolerate. That happens every day. And yet, innocence won’t stop it and won’t heal us. Neither will guilt.”

“What if we could see ourselves less as innocent, but as harmed and harming, more or less honest, more or less able to be conscious when triggered, more or less manipulative, more or less willing to take responsibility for our own change, more or less caught in patterns. Would we be better able to create and respect boundaries between each other? Would we be more likely to interrupt our own violence if we didn’t insist on our innocence and the accompanying justifications for our actions?”

“Can we tolerate knowing ourselves?”

Excerpts from Letting Go of Innocence by Prentis Hemphill, July 5, 2019

Here we are–
Energy,
Mass,
Life,
Shaping life,
Mind,
Shaping Mind
God,
Shaping God.
Consider—
We are born
Not with purpose,
But with potential.

All that you touch
You Change.

All that you Change
Changes you.

The only lasting truth
Is Change.

God
Is Change.

by Octavia E. Butler
EARTHSEED: BOOKS OF THE LIVING

the time i dropped your almost body down
down to meet the waters under the city
and run with the sewage to the sea
what did i know about waters rushing back
what did i know about drowning
or being drowned

–the lost baby poem, Lucille Clifton

you would have been born a Capricorn
to two big ass children, mid panda express
who love weed and to laugh and sex
stability non-essential, mid panoramic
we turned lemons into lemon haze
and you, my love, the flower and the art
mid pussy fart

–the lost baby poem addition, rori hope

we request that you miss them forever. know whats good. for you. trust its coming true. keep your texas roots. fake balenciaga boots. we request that you drown. cause sweetie you breathe. under the sea. simba youre a queen. we request you keep the good memories. stay quick on your feet. dont let hurt sink. that you let love sing. we request that you rise from waters. free.**

-8.11.21 10:23 pm

**inspired by – alexis pauline gumbs. “request.” dub finding ceremony, pg 4.

Request

BY ALEXIS PAULINE GUMBS

we would like it if you wrote us poems. we would like it if you wrote us long life sentences. we would like it if you broke sentences and gave us more life than you or we were told could be contained. we would like it if you remained. we would like it if you showed up every day. we would like it if you drank water. we would love it if you would turn off your phone.

we would sincerely appreciate it if you stopped pretending to be alone.

5 OF SWORDS
SURVIVAL. INTEGRITY. LOVE VERUS CAPITALISM.
2 OF SWORDS
AVOIDING. FIGHTING WHATS MEANT FOR YOU. STUCK.
THE WORLD
SING. CELEBRATION. RISING FROM THE WATERS. FREE.

you are a horse
running
alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him,
you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you
that no man can live up to the one who lives in your head
and you tried to change
didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping
you could feel him traveling away from you in his dreams so
what did you want to do, love
split his head open?

you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange
and beautiful
something not everyone
knows how to love.

 Warsan Shire

take one pint of water
add a half-pound of sugar
the juice of eight lemons
the zest of half lemon
pour the water from one jug
then into the other several times
strain through a clean napkin

grandmother
the alchemist
you spun gold out of this hard life
conjured beauty from the things left behind
found healing where it did not live
discovered the antidote in your own kitchen
broke the curse with your own two hands
you passed these instructions down to your daughter
who then passed it down
to her daughter

“I had my ups and downs,
but I always find the inner strength to pull myself up,
I was served lemons, but I made lemonade”

my grandma said
“nothing real can be threatened.”
true love brought salvation back into me
with every tear came redemption
and my torturer
became my remedy

so we’re gonna heal
we’re gonna start again
you’ve brought the orchestra
synchronized swimmers
you’re the magician
pull me back together again the way you cut me in half
make the woman in doubt disappear
pull the sorrow from between my legs like silk
knot after knot after knot
the audience applauds
but we can’t hear them

-how i’ve missed you my love

Warsan Shire

favorite talk:
this youtube interview with Esther Perel & Lewis Howes

favorite book:
Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler combined with this podcast.

favorite strain:
Durban Poison

favorite word:
zooted!

excerpts from
Femmes Of Color Symposium Keynote Speech, Oakland, CA (8/21/11)
by Mia Mingus

“Because we all do it.  We all run from the ugly. And the farther we run from it, the more we stigmatize it and the more power we give beauty.  Our communities are obsessed with being beautiful and gorgeous and hot.  What would it mean if we were ugly?  What would it mean if we didn’t run from our own ugliness or each others? How do we take the sting out of “ugly?”  What would it mean to acknowledge our ugliness for all it has given us, how it has shaped our brilliance and taught us about how we never want to make anyone else feel?  What would it take for us to be able to risk being ugly, in whatever that means for us.  What would happen if we stopped apologizing for our ugly, stopped being ashamed of it? What if we let go of being beautiful, stopped chasing “pretty,” stopped sucking in and shrinking and spending enormous amounts of money and time on things that don’t make us magnificent?“

“Where is the Ugly in you? What is it trying to teach you?“

“And I am not saying it is easy to be ugly without apology.  It is hard as fuck.  It threatens our survival.  I recognize the brilliance in our instinct to move toward beauty and desirability.  And it takes time and for some of us it may be impossible.  I know it is complicated.  …And I also know that though it may be a way to survive, it will not be a way to thrive, to grow the kind of genders and world we need.  And it is not attainable to everyone, even those who want it to be.”

What do we do with bodies that can’t change no matter how much we dress them up or down; no matter how much we want them to?

“What about those of us who are freaks, in the most powerful sense of the word?  Freakery is that piece of disability and ableism where bodies that are deformed, disfigured, scarred and non-normatively physically disabled live.  Its roots come out of monsters and goblins and beasts; from the freak shows of the 1800’s where physically disabled folks, trans and gender non-conforming folks, indigenous folks and people of color were displayed side-by-side.  It is where “beauty” and “freak” got constructed day in and day out, where “whiteness” and “other” got burned into our brains.  It is part of the legacy of Ugly and it is part of my legacy as a queer disabled woman of color.  It is a part of all of our history as queer people of color.  It is how I know we must never let ourselves be on the side of the gawking crowd ever again in any way.  It is the part of me that doesn’t show my leg.  It is the part of me that knows that building my gender—my anything—around desirability or beauty is not just an ableist notion of what’s important, but will always keep me chasing what doesn’t want me.  Will always keep me hurling swords at the very core of me.”

“There is only the illusion of solace in beauty. If age and disability teach us anything, it is that investing in beauty will never set us free.  Beauty has always been hurled as a weapon.  It has always taken the form of an exclusive club; and supposed protection against violence, isolation and pain, but this is a myth.  It is not true, even for those accepted in to the club.  I don’t think we can reclaim beauty.”

“Magnificence has always been with us.  Always been there in the freak shows—staring back at the gawking crowd, in the back rooms of the brothels, in the fields fresh with cotton, on the street corners in the middle of the night, as the bombs drop, in our breaths after surviving the doctor’s office, crossing the border, in the first quiet moments of a bloody face after the attack is done.  Magnificence was there.”

“If you leave with anything today, leave with this: you are magnificent.  There is magnificence in our ugliness. There is power in it, far greater than beauty can ever wield. Work to not be afraid of the Ugly—in each other or ourselves.  Work to learn from it, to value it.  Know that every time we turn away from ugliness, we turn away from ourselves.  And always remember this: I would rather you be magnificent, than beautiful, any day of the week. I would rather you be ugly—magnificently ugly.“

excerpts from
Femmes Of Color Symposium Keynote Speech, Oakland, CA (8/21/11)
by Mia Mingus